James Pence

How God is Faithful Through Loss and Adversity

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The Best Way to Hide…

/ …Is in Plain Sight. (Blind Sight – Ch. 1) / CHAPTER 1 Friday, December 6  Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight. Peter Bishop didn’t know whether or not that particular adage was true, but for his children’s sake, he hoped it was. Their lives depended on it. Standing in line at the EconoAir ticket counter, Peter muttered in frustration. Flight check-ins were always tedious. Yet every second that Micah and Michelle stood exposed, their danger increased. Peter flicked his eyes back and forth, scanning the steady flow of pedestrian traffic. Four women in dark blue …

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Finding My Way Back

A Deconstruction Observed, Pt. 25 It’s difficult to describe what the darkest part of my journey felt like. After realizing that the science behind evolution was correct, I went into a spiritual freefall and ultimately found myself standing at the edge of atheism—a place I’d never expected to be. After all, I’d believed in God from the time I was a child and I’d placed my faith in Jesus when I was a young teen. I’d felt called to ministry and gone to Bible college and seminary. I’d spent decades in some form of full-time ministry. God had always been …

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Standing at the Edge of Atheism

A Deconstruction Observed, Pt. 24 “I stood at the edge of eternity and beheld only blackness.” That’s where I was during my darkest times. It wasn’t a pleasant place to be. I had believed in God from the time I was a young child. I’d placed my faith in Jesus when I was a teen. I’d walked with him for most of my life. Now, I felt as if all that stood between me and a plunge into atheism was a prayer: “God, please don’t let go of me. And don’t let me let go of you.” Would it have …

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Living at the Intersection of Faith & Science

A Deconstruction Observed — Pt. 23 It was so mesmerizing, I forgot to look through my binoculars. I’m talking about the recent eclipse, of course (aka The Great North American Eclipse of 2024). I’d been looking forward to it for seven years—ever since the partial eclipse of 2017. That’s when I learned that I lived in the path of totality for the 2024 edition. This would be my fourth eclipse and my first total eclipse. In 1984, Laurel and I experienced a “ring of fire” annular eclipse in New Orleans. It got very dark, but because the moon doesn’t fully …

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Sowing Love – Reflections on The Peace Prayer, Pt. 1

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.” There’s plenty of hatred to go around these days. And I’m guessing that 2024 promises more of the same. So this year I’m reflecting through and memorizing the prayer of Saint Francis, also known as The Peace Prayer. Saint Francis didn’t write this prayer, although it is attributed to him. It first showed up around 1912. (History of the Prayer) Each week, I’m going to briefly reflect on how I can practically apply the principles of this prayer in my life. I might carry …

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The Problem with Buried Questions: They Keep Coming Back.

A Deconstruction Observed It was an innocent question but based on my friend’s reaction you’d have thought I’d denied the Trinity. “If God is eternal and unchangeable,” I posited, “how could he take on human nature? Wouldn’t becoming a man be a fundamental change in God’s nature?” My friend looked horrified, almost as if he expected lightning to strike me at any moment. “You should be careful about asking questions like that!” he cautioned. Yet asking questions had become a major part of my Christian life. The year was 1974. It was my sophomore year of college and I was …

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Reflections on Deconstruction

What is deconstruction? I can describe what it feels like better than I can explain what it is. Deconstruction feels like walking alone through a pitch-black forest. It’s the unsettling feeling you get when the ground you’re walking on becomes unstable…

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265 Words about (Almost Not) Being the Father of the Bride

As I stood outside the door of the room where my daughter and her bridesmaids had just finished dressing, the wedding coordinator cautioned me, “Don’t cry.” She opened the door. I cried. When I saw my daughter in her wedding dress for the first time, I lost it. Charlene looked at the ceiling and fanned her face to keep her makeup from running. The bridesmaids sang silly songs to distract us. I somehow managed to pull myself together and we made it down the aisle with no more tears, although we both had to tell each other, “We don’t need …

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Why I Didn’t Lose My Faith…

A DECONSTRUCTION OBSERVED INTERLUDE : “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b) Writing the story of my deconstruction/reconstruction is far more challenging than I expected. I am processing more than ten years of experiences. Often as I write, I remember important details that I need to include in the story. And more often than not, as I explore these details others surface. The challenging thing is that many of these either disrupt my carefully planned timeline or they require adjustments to things I’ve already written. In short, at times I need to step back and …

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Why I Value My Charismatic Experience

…and How it Relates to My Deconstruction I completed my deconstruction out of the Charismatic Movement in 1975 with a Bachelor of Theology thesis on the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. For some time after that, I took every opportunity to oppose charismatic teachings and even developed a seminar on charismatic theology aimed at refuting those teachings. But over the years my hostility mellowed and softened. Now, nearly fifty years later I look back quite fondly on my charismatic experience. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that I treasure it. Some aspects of my charismatic experience are …

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How I Left the Charismatic Movement (Deconstruction takes Time)

Deconstructing takes Time [Although this part of my story focuses on why I left the Charismatic Movement, it is in no way intended to disparage the beliefs of my charismatic brothers and sisters. These are my experiences to the best of my recollection; they are an early example of my thinking process where deconstruction is concerned and as such are important to understanding my story. I am sharing these recollections as honestly as I can but they don’t necessarily represent my views or feelings now.] I’d heard lots of tongues-speaking, but never anything like this. (See my previous post.) When …

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How to Create with AI Art

You can create original work! Cardinal (Image created by author with Midjourney) Creating original work with AI art apps is a challenge, but it’s not impossible. Of course, it’s much easier to just type in a few words and let the AI produce a finished picture. But for me at least, that’s not satisfying. As an artist I wan’t to be part of the creative process. I want to work with the AI (or have the AI work with me)!  So, how do I do that? Here’s one way! I used the Procreate app and drew this abstract form on …

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Why I No Longer Identify as a Charismatic Christian:

Scared out of the Movement [Although this part of my story focuses on why I left the Charismatic Movement, it is in no way intended to disparage the beliefs of my charismatic brothers and sisters. These are my experiences to the best of my recollection; they were an early example of my thinking process where deconstruction is concerned and as such are important to understanding my story. I am sharing these recollections as honestly as I can but they don’t necessarily represent my views or feelings now.] As I mentioned in my previous post, although the charismatic youth Bible study …

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A Deconstruction Observed: Seeds of Deconstruction

Layers of Beliefs — Seeds of Deconstruction I was deconstructing before deconstruction was cool. That’s assuming you define deconstruction as taking a hard look at what I believe and adjusting when something didn’t measure up. By that definition, I’ve been deconstructing and reconstructing most of my Christian life. It’s impossible to overstate the impact of my entry into the world of the Charismatic Movement. I leaped from a liturgical church full of reverence and awe and quietness to an exuberant faith overflowing with noise, activity, and unabashed joyfulness. (Praise the Lord was my new favorite expression.) I had discovered a …

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A Deconstruction Observed: Deconstruction and the Providence of God

Link to last week’s post: Lone Ranger Christian All posts in this series: A Deconstruction Observed Image generated by author using Stable Diffusion (Invoke AI) I Never Walked Alone Deconstruction is a mixed bag. Some people walk away from Christianity and change to a different religion. Some become atheists. Others pass through with their Christian faith intact, albeit changed in some way. I’m one of the latter. But it begs the question, “Why didn’t I fall into one of the other groups. Why am I still a Christian? Why do I still believe and affirm that Jesus is the Son …

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Lone Ranger Christian

A Solitary Christian Life is Not Ideal. Note: I intended this to be a fairly short series on deconstruction, based on my own experience. But I’ve found that it’s difficult to explain the process I went through later in life without fully understanding what happened earlier. So, this is probably going to take a bit longer than I’d planned. I hope not to write a memoir-length tome, but I’ve decided just to continue this journey of discovery and let it take me where it will. Thanks for coming along for the ride. — Jim I was a lone-ranger Christian. Hokey …

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Deconstruction: Good or Bad? Right or Wrong?

Why Some Christians Are Deconstructing Their Faith Image generated with Midjourney AI I started a series on faith deconstruction/reconstruction a while back and then got sidetracked by a shiny object (can’t remember what!) and the series ground to a halt. This post is intended to jump start the series and get me back into the writing process. Rather than go back to the beginning, I thought I’d post this Twitter thread I found the other day that pretty much nails the reasons people deconstruct their faith.  You might not be on Twitter (and lately there are a lot of good …

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Surviving Cardiac Arrest and Reflections on Damar Hamil

Image by Keith Johnston from Pixabay Thoughts from a Cardiac Arrest Survivor I wasn’t watching the football game last night, so I didn’t see Damar Hamil collapse on the field. I don’t intend to watch the video but even reading about it on Facebook and Twitter brought back memories I’d rather leave buried. I’m coming up on the second anniversary of my own cardiac arrest experience. In my case, it was triggered by a massive heart attack, not a football hit. I don’t remember anything yet whenever something like this happens I relive my own experience.  I don’t relive the …

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Prophecy, Cults, and Cassettes

Prophecy, Cults, and Cassettes 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation— 3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. Soooo, what should a new Christian who knows absolutely nothing about the Bible start studying? How about end-times prophecy and religious cults? Yeah, I know. Not a great place to start, but I didn’t know any better. Something had changed in me. I just didn’t understand what it was. What I did know is that I was hungry. I wanted to learn everything I could about my newfound faith. …

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Veterinarians, FBI Agents, and Preachers, Oh My!

Veterinarians, FBI agents, and Preachers, (Oh, my!) “I know the one in whom I have put my trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard the deposit I have entrusted to him (2 Timothy 1:12b NRSV). I never planned to be an altar boy. It just happened. After I survived catechism and my confirmation service, I was standing around at the reception when a man I’d never met came up to me and congratulated me on my confirmation. Then he said, “Altar server training starts in a couple of weeks. Saturdays at 10 a.m.” Nonplussed, I paused …

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Childish Faith

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash A Childish Faith (A Deconstruction Observed, Part 3)by James Pence 17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it” (Luke 18:17 NIV). The details are fuzzy (it was 56 years ago after all), but something changed in me the day our priest, Father Clarke, put his hand on my head and blessed me. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say something awakened in me. Before then, prayers were something I recited from rote before bed every night. And church was just …

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Sneaking Communion, and Priestly Blessings

Image by Robert Cheaib from Pixabay August 26, 2022 – Sneaking Communion and Priestly Blessings 13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them (Mark …

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If You Feel Politically Homeless…

Best Tweet of the week. Maybe ever! It’s rare that I see something on Twitter that really inspires me, but this tweet did just that. I’ve felt politically homeless since about 2016, about the time I decided that the Republican party no longer reflected my values, but that I also couldn’t fully embrace the Democrats. This tweet reminded me that it’s okay. I’m a citizen of a much different kingdom. I needed to hear that this week. If you feel politically homeless, take heart. You are feeling the tug of your heavenly citizenship, the *normality* of feeling like aliens and …

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