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“We’re reading it wrong.”

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said that over nearly fifty years in evangelical Christian churches and ministries.

I remember the first time I said it.

I was a young, first-time pastor and was grappling with what was, at the time, a theoretical question: whether to remarry someone who had been divorced. In

My wife and I live in the country. Part of our property is wooded and we have trails cut through our personal forest. On any given day I can take our little Yorkie, Skeeter, for a walk along those trails and have no problem finding my way around.

But if I were to try to navigate those same trails on a dark night I’d be lost in seconds. On those

[Reposting for new subscribers.]

It was so mesmerizing, I forgot to look through my binoculars.

I’m talking about the Great North American Eclipse of 2024. I’d been looking forward to it for seven years—ever since the partial eclipse of 2017. That’s when I learned that I lived in the path of totality for the 2024 event.

This would be my fourth eclipse

I’m having to adjust to a [cliche alert] “new normal” where my writing is concerned.

After having made my living as a writer/editor for 20+ years and being a stickler for writing-revising-polishing-proofing and always approaching my writing as a professional, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to write the kind of posts I really would like to

My friend (check out his podcast and his books!) suggested that I write some behind-the-scenes stories about my acting. Since this is a natural fit for my new Substack publication, Stories and Voices, I’m cross-posting it here.

Stories and Voices is going to focus on my career and experiences as a writer, actor, and singer. I also hope to start

Hey peeps, I need help.

I started this Substack to chronicle my deconstruction and at the time I didn’t know where it was going to lead. Now that the dust has settled and I’m more in a healing and rebuilding mode, I’m trying to decide what to write about now. That’s where I need your help.

I’m not a great idea person. That’s one reason that midway

I used to believe God controlled everything.

Not just the big things. Everything.

Every. Little. Detail.

Nothing happened by chance. Nothing caught God by surprise. Every event, good or bad, was part of his eternal decree. Even when life seemed chaotic, I believed there was an order behind it. God was working out his purpose in miniscule detail.

That b

The psalms have been my refuge for years when I couldn’t understand life. I’ve memorized quite a few of them and they’re an important part of my prayer life. I love the psalms because they are raw and unfiltered. The psalmists leave everything on the table: pain, anger, frustration, confusion, awe, worship, joy, hope. It’s all there. So, no matter

“I viscerally understood Christian spaces were not safe places to ask pesky questions or voice nagging doubts.”1

When I read those words in Zach Lambert’s book, Better Ways to Read the Bible, it was as if he had put into print the thing I never dared say out loud. I lived that experience for years.

I was in ministry, and I was one of the silent

Monday, July 27th will mark five and a half years since I suffered a heart attack that led to cardiac arrest. It nearly killed me. That day will be my five-and-a-half year reminder of the brevity of life.

Five and a half years ago I nearly left this life.

I got no warnings, had no symptoms. Zilch.

I just went to bed one night and woke up in the

Several years ago through some friends’ gracious gift, Laurel and I got to take a dream trip to Hawaii (Kaua’i). Most of the time, we just chilled; but we did do a little sightseeing. One of our favorite side trips was to the Kiluea Lighthouse.

There were quite a few interesting things to see there, but one little boy found something so captivating

This is part of a series. You can read the previous posts in chronological order at my website: James Pence – A Deconstruction Observed

Deconstruction isn’t just a difficult road.

It’s a journey I didn’t choose to a place I didn’t want to go.

It’s like walking through a dark forest but with landmines

You have to watch where, when, and how you step.

That

This is the first of several reflections on why I believe.

It was going to be a post on why I still believe after coming to the edge of atheism. However, the more I explored the topic the more I realized I needed to go all the way back—to why I believed in the first place.

Why do I believe?

It’s complicated.

I began thinking about this question after

I’m going to be doing a lot of recording in my home studio in the coming months, mostly because I’m trying to break in as a voiceover artist. So, I decided that as part of my practice routine I’d record some of the psalms that I’ve found especially meaningful in my deconstruction journey.

Eventually, these will be for paid subscribers, but since

Why I Call Deconstruction a Dark Forest

Navigating the dark forest of deconstruction is like walking in a dense fog through territory you thought you knew but that now seems totally unfamiliar.

A while back I was offered a role in a local production of Fiddler on the Roof. It was January and rehearsals were three or four evenings a week so I did a

I didn’t wake up one day and say, “I think I’ll reexamine everything I’ve believed since I was a child and toss out things I don’t agree with anymore.”

For me, deconstruction was something like the story of the little Dutch boy who saved his village by putting his finger in the hole of a leaky dike. As the story goes he stayed there all night,

Need to Catch Up? No problem. Here are links to the previous posts in Michelle’s Story:
| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Our daughter, Michelle, was dying.

That much we knew.

What we didn’t know was how soon it would happen, how long we would have her.

It wouldn’t be long. A matter of days, more likely of hours.

The uncertainty was killing

What caused me to examine and dismantle my fortress of certainty and deconstruct my faith? You might call it a sea change in my thinking. If you’re not familiar with the term, a sea change is usually defined as a marked change or transformation. How did it happen? I’m not entirely sure, but here’s my best guess.

Even though I’m a writer, I’ve never

I have described deconstruction as a journey through a dark forest. There are other metaphors, but that is still the best description I can think of.

For me, the dark forest of deconstruction is comparable to Tolkien’s forest of Mirkwood (from The Hobbit). Mirkwood was a dark and dangerous place, where the trees were so tall you couldn’t see the

The posts in this series recount my journey through the dark forest of faith deconstruction and reconstruction, a process that’s covered the last fifteen or so years of my life. It is not my intent to disparage anyone’s beliefs; I am merely describing how the following beliefs worked in my life.

I didn’t choose to go through a faith deconstruction,